Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A New Queen: Trying to Find Her Way

While overall, I (I believe we) are enjoying what FLR is bringing to our marriage, like anything it takes work. It is especially more difficult since this is not just a bedroom game for us at the present; we are trying to incorporate the philosophy into our lifestyle. I think my biggest challenge these last few weeks has been living a true "Queen" life--making decisions and acting through my wishes and desires. I have been trying to make the bedroom experiences during the permitted release sessions more about what my knight desires--trying to offer some "gifts." Also, one of my wants is to please him and connect through sex; I enjoy sex with him greatly.  Furthermore, FLR has been happening in our daily lives as well. It is extremely difficult for me to not do routine housework that I have done for years: dishes, laundry, cooking, etc. I enjoy this perk a great deal; it is very appreciated and I believe will be an even greater service on his part once I am back to work next week and continue my studies as well. In addition to housework, he encourages me to be harder on him, yet when this has been practiced, it doesn't seem to go well.

The biggest letdown is that by not listening to my inner self, I believe, I disappointed my knight. Although in this journey he will learn to put my needs first, this time he was disappointed on a more intimate (as in connection, not sex) level. We are moving forward, and I hope to try and find my voice in this role. I do believe that we are communicating very well, and my sex drive has been amazing--I walk around as a pulsing, cream-making machine. Not to mention I enjoy the tease sessions where I let him out to stretch and usually dip (mouth and pussy), and the power to not permit him to cum is empowering and sexy.

We are learning our rules (and interpretations of them) and developing forms of punishment--which he seems to enjoy a little too much to be called punishment. I have a difficult time both enforcing and dishing out. However, I am getting better with practice, and he seems to truly fear the ball slaps (one of my favorites). My new switch is on the way and through a forum I learned that a fly swatter might be fun; I plan to try this week to punish him for some rule infractions. Even harder than the punishment is the humiliation. This is not a part of me. While easier to do during sex (as fantasy play for him), I don't feel the way he does about his cock, so the humiliation is not genuine. In addition, I am not one who likes to hurt people with words. This a place we need to find balance--or maybe it will get easier with practice (as the physical has).

Lastly, while he may have fantasies of him being my cuckold, I have NO plans to sleep with others. Flirting is my limit. Some may consider FLR too kinky (others not kinky enough); however, I take my marriage and vows very seriously and will not be taking other men. After all, I am Queen, and that is my choice. Besides with the blogs and forums, we have strangers in our bedroom (and life) all the time.

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