Learning My Way

When my knight first brought up the subject of wanting to take our marriage to femdom marriage, I was quite taken back. While the thought excited me (I was always wet and horny), it also scared me. I read some books, one of the best being The Mistress Manual, and we played around with the mistress and slave idea for a while. We even bought our first chastity device and he started doing the housework which were both a huge turnout for me. During our play and learning about femdom, we soon realize that the Queen/knight relationship was a better fit for us. We upgraded our device to a metal, personalized device. I still continued to struggle with confidence, punishment, and some other areas of the lifestyle. The most difficult obstacle through it all, has and will continue to be time. We have high stress jobs with an very active family which makes the time to put into such a 24/7 lifestyle extremely difficult. Finding balance has been a challenge for us.

So over the years we have been off and on--in and out of "lock up" with the cock cage. I get too tired or too emotional to do the needed discipline to make the Ds work. Something comes up and we stop.

Most recently--about a week and a half ago--we tried again. What does this mean? He was put back in lock up with denial. Only this time, he has less chores. He performs most nights (nights that I allow him) pussy worship and service and brings me to orgasms, and works for release. He earns release on weekends (if he is good) and earns weight loss coupons to be used which allows him to cum in my pussy--not a given when I am Queen.

We have pushed ourselves more with this round by sharing with others. I have told a friend which helps in the humiliation department but also gives me an open-minded female in which I can confide. He now refers to her as Miss and is excited and embarrassed at the same time. We attended our first event which was only a meet and greet type but we are talking about taking that further.

Some things are going well, but others aren't. I really struggle with fitting the role, and I believe that over time, I have learned that I need to trust my gut. So while this makes it more difficult to punish, it will keep me from emotionally hurting my knight. I do love my knight, so much that I refuse to fulfill his biggest fantasy of cuckold. This excites him greatly, but down to my core, I cannot make it fit my being. This doesn't mean that I don't enjoy flirting or some up-close contact; it just means currently, I take my vows and commitment to him on a different level. Maybe this makes me less queen-like to some, but I am a Queen that does as I please/want.

I don't know what our Ds relationship has in store for us, but I do know that we are both aroused by it. Right now we are enjoying the wave and learning more about the lifestyle and ourselves.

While we did get in a fight this weekend, and almost threw in the towel, I did squeeze out a session or two. One with punishment, the other without. Both times he was allowed to cum in me (after begging), he knows the drill--he cleans his mess while bringing me to another orgasm. While released Friday night from his cage, he goes back in tonight for another week of training. We are on a journey, and with time and practice, he will be the knight I deserve, and I will he Queen he needs.

Gifting a Ruined Orgasm

My night came over to the side of my bed on his knees. He began to massage me and start his nightly service of my pussy. Earlier in the evening he cleaned my back while I was in the bath and massaged my pussy and could tell that I was already very wet deep inside. He performed oral for several minutes. I ordered him to get out my vibrators. I had several good orgasms including a very intense last one. I allowed him in my bed, and I began to tease him. I stroked his cock through his panties and cage. This aroused him greatly. Pre-come was already spotting his silk panties. I had him remove them; I licked his tiny cock through the metal bars in his cage. I love seeing this 250 pound man all locked up in this metal cage. This caused him to grow beyond the metal keeping him nice secure by being very tight. I stroked him more and more and could tell that he was on the verge of coming. He asked permission if he was allowed to. I granted if he were able to do so with the cage on. With the help of the vibrator and my ass up around the cage, he grew very excited. He moaned and groaned and announced he was coming. While ruined because he couldn't get erect, the orgasm was very intense, long, and several, several days overdue. After he thanked me, I allowed him back in bed to cuddle until I fell asleep.

Exercising Power and Control with Denial

Back at FLM with come back last week.

My knight has been locked since Wednesday.

I decided to go to our first AIS (Adventures in Sexuality) outing Friday, and then I did some dancing afterwards--one of my favorite things to do. The men really like to watch how I move my body on the dance floor, and my hubby gets very aroused by them watching and sometimes grinding on me. Needless to say, by the time we got back to the bedroom, we were both horny as hell.            

The weekend consisted of routine pussy worshiping Friday (with great fisting since I was soaked and horny as well and he was pretty useless locked up), Saturday, and Sunday. We ended our weekend with a great femdom session Sunday which included the following acts:

• Foot worshiping and massage as I set in the bedroom sitting chair in my snap crotch, red teddy spread eagle to tease him while he rubbed my feet. 
• Pussy service by mouth, dildo, and vibrators while in the chair and he on the floor on his knees.
• Canning session with punishment for insubordinate behavior (he completed the act as ordered but had a bad attitude about it). As I lashed his ass, I reminded him who was in charge and what I expected.
• Pegging followed by deep, powerful ass fucking with strapless dildo, where he called out several times and I reminded him I was in charge.
• Humiliation about his tiny cock and how we can't satisfy me with it alone.
• More pussy service by sitting on face for more oral service
• Allowing him entrance in my wet, creamy pussy but still in his cage only for me to have one last orgasm.

Will he be offered release next weekend? That is the plan if he is good this week. We shall see. For now I have some rules to be followed that fit into five categories:

• Showing Respect
• active listening
• praise me, both in private and public
• never sass back
• exercise gratitude and apologize when needed
• anticipate wishes, desires, and needs and do them before asked
• Performing Service
• housework when requested
• pick up his messes
• plan and make healthy meals when time allows
• offer massage and foot rubs when I am stressed
• dedicate love making to my pleasures
• Romancing me
• never miss an opportunity to show affection
•  create intimate occasions
• seek out ways to demonstrate love, submissiveness 
• Gifting me
• nice gifts on special occasions
• gifts for no reason
• Creating quality time
• realizing I always have the right to change my mind
• making time for me whenever requested 
• join wife's hobbies and likes when requested